ROUND TWO: 10-exertion vs. 15-hackneyed


Click here for authlete instructions.

Voter Instructions:

  • The countdown at the bottom of each pairing indicates how much time is left to vote.
    • When voting closes, timer will disappear.
  • Read both poems as many times as you like.
  • Mark the poem you like best by clicking the circle next to its name.
  • Press the “Vote” button to record your vote.
  • Votes are counted in real time and cannot be changed once entered.
  • You can only vote once from a given IP address.
    • Classrooms should submit one vote as a class.
    • Students can then vote again individually from home.

Things to Consider in Making a Choice:

  • How well the poem incorporates the authlete’s assigned word.
  • Technical elements: meter, rhyme, form, shape, and other poetic standards.
  • Creativity: wordplay, imagery, unusual approach, etc.
  • Subtle elements that make the whole greater than the sum of its parts.
  • Your overall response: emotional reaction such as admiration, tears, laughter, terror, or some indefinable feeling.

Here are the poems:

10-exertion
Hitting the Snooze Bar
By Liz Steinglass

I lie back down across my bed.
I pull the pillow over my head.
I desperately need these minutes of sleep
After the exertion of stopping that
BEEP!

vs.

15-hackneyed
In the Clutch of Clichés
By Dave Crawley

Hackneyed clichés, when composing a verse,
Are never a “blessing,” but rather, a “curse.”
“When the chips are down,” I want “nerves of steel,”
No “coming up short,” or “asleep at the wheel.”

It “goes without saying,” I’m “caught in a daze.”
“Proof positive,” I’m in the Clutch of Clichés!
“It stands to reason,” I’ve “lost track of time.”
I’ll “wrap up” a tale with no “reason.” Just “rhyme.”

 




10-exertion vs. 15-hackneyed: Which Poem Did You Prefer?

  • 10-exertion (Liz Steinglass) (28%, 72 Votes)
  • 15-hackneyed (Dave Crawley) (72%, 185 Votes)

Total Voters: 254

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  • Marileta Robinson

    Hard choice! Both very clever!

  • http://www.quinettecook.com Quinette Cook

    I hope that this remains a close race. Why? Because both poems are great. With a few words Liz lets readers feel how frustrating a “beep” can be. And Dave’s poem is a just barrel of laughs.

  • http://authoramok.blogspot.com/2012/11/poetry-friday-songwriting-with-mary.html Laura Shovan

    Great surprise at the end of your poem, Liz. Dave — so clever!

  • Carrie Finison

    This is a great pairing. I like how Liz captured that awful moment after hitting the snooze button. And I laughed myself silly over Dave’s poem. Not to use a cliche or anything. That would just be wrong.

  • http://www.pennyklostermann.com Penny Klostermann

    I’m surprised this isn’t closer. I enjoyed the humor in both poems. Great job, poets!

  • http://www.robynhoodblack.com Robyn Hood Black

    Clever, clever, clever – both. (Maybe that’s a cliche now because others have already said it!) I have the kind of relationship with the snooze button that Liz describes, and, like Dave, I try to avoid cliches like the plague.

  • Heidi Mordhorst

    Love them both, and Liz–your brevity is spot on. It would just be too exhausting to say more after the exertion of hitting the snooze bar.

  • http://sevenacresky.wordpress.com Damon Dean

    Liz, I loved the brevity too and I also hate that darned BEEP.!
    The cliches are so overwhelming I could sense the poet’s literal misery.
    How in the devil can I vote…guess I’ll have to sleep on it.

  • http://www.thinkkidthink.com Ed DeCaria

    One of the things that I’d like to tease out after the tournament (second POEMETRICS™ foreshadow of the day) is whether or not a poem’s density has an impact on the vote. Do people award — consciously or subconsciously — bonus points for just banging out more words? Or the opposite? (Or no impact?)

  • http://www.childrensauthorbjlee.com B.J. Lee

    both so humorous! LOL, Liz, I know that moment well.

  • http://readingyear.blogspot.com Mary Lee

    Ed, your Poemetrics are a tricky business. Sometimes you just need more words to tell your story! I’m almost to the point of also believing that you write the poem you are “given,” and there is no real conscious decision, “I’ll use lots of words/I’ll use as few words as possible.” How will you measure that variable? :-)

  • http://www.laurasalas.com laurasalas

    For me, the opposite. I absolutely love short poems. And if a poet can write a dense short poem, with tons of imagery/meaning in a few short lines, I’m there. A short poem isn’t necessarily better than a long poem, of course. But if two poems deliver equal impact/content, I always gravitate toward the shorter one.

  • Janet F.

    These are both great. Great for different reasons. So hard to choose. I love how Dave took the cliches and made them work for him, you know, like he “worked it”? And Liz, I went there with her!!! I mean exertion after the alarm goes off is almost harder than running a few miles. (Which I did in my younger days!)

  • http://www.facebook.com/juliekrantzbooks juliekrantz

    Wow, another tough choice–congrats to both!

  • http://www.quinettecook.com Quinette Cook

    Congrats Dave, “as luck would have it,” we meet in the next round. (We both had a winning score of 185 – I wonder if that has any significance?) So “bring it on!” Let’s get “this ball rolling.” :)

  • http://www.animalhero.com Dave Crawley

    Thanks Quinette, and congratulations! But…what happens if we tie? Overtime?

  • http://canofbookworms.com Nessa Morris

    Congrats, Dave & Quinette. Can’t wait to see your match-up next round. As for a tie, that almost happened in the first round for me, and Ed said it would be a three-hour overtime. Good luck to both of you!

  • Michel Krueger

    I’m with Laura, My eye is drawn to simplicity on the page, fewer words with deeper meaning, but I also appreciate longer poems that flow well. I try to write them sometimes.